When I first worked in London and the South East back in the late 80’s, HIV was just taking a hold. I lived through that era when heterosexuals were starting to question their lifestyle. I remember sitting at the bar one night, after work, having that discussion about how many people have you slept with, now multiply each of those people by just 10 and then multiply that new group by 10 and before you know where you are you are heading into the 100’s. The pie chart of sexual connections, just from your own life, started to become scary. No one really knew how HIV was caught or how it was spreading, they just knew it was connected to sex.
Suddenly homosexuality, which ad become legal in 1967, was out there in the public eye. Opinions were beginning to segregate society with those believing “what they do is wrong and God is punishing them for their deeds” at times seeming to be in the majority. This was being fuelled by the tabloid media who had very little positive to say. then there were others like myself who were convinced that no one was specifically to blame for this and that a cure would be found.
Throughout my career I have worked with staff of different sexual persuasions and, again, have always taken the view that everyone deserves to live their life as they see fit, as long as they are not directly affecting others. I have, unfortunately, worked with people who have questioned my decisions about employing people of different sexual persuasions, people who tried to tell me I was bringing “problems” into the working environment and questioning how our customers would react!
I’ve seen the effect that homosexual prejudice has had on people who I was fortunate to call friends.
One friend of mine, back in the early 90’s, came to London looking for a way to live his life happily. He had been brought up in a small village in Scotland and knew from an early age that being gay wasn’t something he could be open and honest about. Like so many others he had a girlfriend, got engaged and tried to be “normal”. But he couldn’t live the lie and instead moved away so he could be himself. He left everything he knew and moved to a huge metropolis which quite frankly was really scary for him. The gay scene in London, that he described, was like walking on a tightrope between the good and the bad and falling into the bad scene was hard to avoid. “I never know who to trust and who not to trust” was a common lament of his.
He drank to avoid facing the person he was. He constantly prayed to be “normal”. Life as a gay guy back then was just so difficult and if he had a choice, a life he would rather not have to lead.
One of my best friends came from a seaside town in Yorkshire. We met in about 2001 and worked together many times over the next 5 or so years. He also went through periods of being unable to cope wit his sexuality. His family fully accepted him for who he was but the town he had been brought up in was less forgiving. He found life hard and after a few long term relationships which left him picking up the pieces of his life, he eventually went home permanently to seek solace with people who truly loved him. Unfortunately we lost touch when I moved back to Gloucestershire and I found out later he had died an early death back in 2012. I still remember him fondly.
When my own son started to talk to me at 13/14 about his sexuality. My response was “make sure you are not being forced into a pigeon hole because of your enjoyment for performing arts and not the rugby/football that all the other boys at your school are playing but if you are certain that your preference isn’t the female of the species I don’t care a dam. You are my son and I will always love you regardless.”
I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t concerned about what the future held for a mixed race queer guy, given my previous experiences of society’s prejudices, but I could only do what I’d always done and that was to try my best to support him.
There is no doubt, though, that my son leaving home at 19 to pursue his own career in London was mainly borne out of the narrow minded outlook prevalent at the time in this area of England. London gave him a chance to be himself and although he returned home three years ago with the onset of Covid, he is 100% happy now with who he is and lives his life accordingly which makes me incredibly proud.
Sexual prejudice is just another prejudice that divides society and I return again to my mantra of “everyone deserves to be happy and, therefore, should live their life as they see fit”.
A Midlife Adventure 