Time Out -Should We Be Kinder To Ourselves?

I went to my first spa with two friends twelve years ago and yet I still remember that first experience.
We were staying on site for a weekend in a lovely wooden chalet amongst the trees and the sights and sounds of nature. If this wasn’t enough of an escape, we also decided to book an afternoon of relaxation at the spa to “fully immerse ourselves in our break away from life, and shut ourselves off from the world”.
We were there to chill and to forget about the mound of emails collecting on our phones, some of which were no doubt from work despite our email boxes declaring us to be on holiday!
I remember there being loads of women, mainly over the age of forty, in swimsuits and men with slight paunches walking around in cosy, fluffy white dressing gowns. I initially felt slightly at odds with the idea of walking around in just a dressing gown but soon adapted to the slow pace. It was like being on a record player turntable and someone had changed the speed from 45 to 33!

When I hit my mid century year I was still on my own, eleven years into balancing single parenthood and a career and decided to return to the same spa. We were just starting our special celebratory year “the 16-18-50 year” when, in addition to my mid century, my two children would turn sixteen and eighteen years old.
What a great way to start this special year- chillin out and relaxing together. 
I was shocked to see how much had changed! Looking around there were more bikinis than swimsuits. Slim, I only eat lettuce, young girls were there with their friends, their mums or their partners.
Is this the new trend I remember asking myself? Going to the spa with your boyfriend when you are a teenager because you need to de-stress from modern day living? Stressed – I didn’t know the meaning of the word at that age. I was too busy enjoying life living away from home for the first time. What will they be like at my age I pondered?

How the world is changing, my dear old mum, god rest her soul, wouldn’t even of heard of a spa much less spent good money visiting one. It had taken me over thirty years of hard work to discover this haven of tranquility. 
I was a typical newbie back when I had first visited, a lot like my daughter was on this occasion. Looking around, I remember worrying about people looking at me, not knowing quite what the purpose of it all was, systematically moving from room to room making sure I experienced everything there was to offer, I couldn’t possibly leave if I’d not tried it all!!

It was different this second time, I wasn’t new to the experience anymore. I knew what each room had to offer or I thought I did, there were a couple of subtle changes, things had been moved around a bit and I got to try two different rooms for meditation. But I’d changed too, there was no rush, it was more an opportunity to surrender myself to my own solitude. To wipe out all thoughts of work, to relax my mind.
I also spent some time people watching whilst chilling on a spa bed wrapped in a cosy brown comforter. I remember smiling inwardly at the middle aged women in their bikinis with their flat stomachs, thighs not meeting in the middle and wondering how much time had gone into looking like that? It’s a good look, don’t get me wrong and no doubt that’s why they were not here on their own unlike me but I remember feeling more natural.
I wore my bikini with pride as a mum. I had a few spare tyres and a chest that never shrank after my daughter was born but so what. I knew I needed to lose a few pounds, well a couple of stone to be more precise and I’d forgotten to shave my legs before embarking on the trip but I don’t think anyone noticed so why care? Everyone was just doing their own thing.
Some were what I call experts, they relaxed into sleep or read avidly, they were escaping reality and just doing as they pleased.

My daughter joined me in the Japanese sea salt room and I could see her questioning face. asking herself “what am I doing here?” She found a water bed, curled up like a baby in a cuddly blanket and slept for the remainder of the session.
Conversely my son had the air of someone who knew what he was doing. He was relaxing with a confidence he customarily exuded in unfamiliar territory which I admired and he has continued to carry this with him through life.
In the meditation room I remember lying back and closing my eyes. The music took me far away, soaring like an eagle over mountains and forests. I’d not meditated before but remember thinking about Julia Roberts in Eat,Pray,Love and committing to learn……………

I never did learn. Here I am some ten years later and apart from taking advantage of a spa voucher I was gifted at a local hotel I’ve never returned to the spa. That was my daughter’s one and only visit too.
My son conversely loves the spa and has visited several different locations including a mega posh one in London. In fact he recently treated a friend to a day at Champneys for his 30th birthday.

I think my life just got too busy and relaxing or taking a day out was never a priority.
I think I channelled my money into holidays and more recently travelling instead of treating myself to a day off from life.
Maybe we should all take a day off from life every now and again. Cut ourselves off from the outside world and just recoup. Give ourselves time to gather our thoughts, reprioritise and just chill. There is no doubt that the pace of life today is still pretty hectic.

I’m retired but I’m so busy I sometimes wonder how I ever had time to work.
I guess it doesn’t have to be a spa. It could be a hike out in nature in total seclusion with a lunch on a log in the forest or perched on the side of a mountain overlooking a fantastic view or a raging sea.

It could be a picnic on a beautiful summer’s day in the middle of a field full of flowers with a poetry book to hand. Maybe one you bought but never got around to reading.
I remember reading about such adventures in Jane Austen books and in romantic novels.

When did we stop caring about such ideas? When did we allow life to take over?
It feels like this is the time of year to commit to a fresh start. To try and be kinder to ourselves. To respect that our mind not just our body needs rest sometimes.
To take that time for ourselves away from life and all the multitudinous tasks that we see around us everyday that need completing and just step off the roundabout that is life. ……