Embracing Freedom at Midlife

So why is this blog entitled “A Midlife Adventure” ? Well part from the fact that I am in my “midlife” age-wise and utilise a lot of my free time to go on adventures, I also wanted to explore the term “midlife” and how it fits into society today.

When is Midlife?
Wikipedia says”midlife is the time from 45 to 64″. 
It’s a time when people are often evaluating their own life and a time when people can get overloaded with day to day stresses thus the term “midlife crisis”.

Then again on a recent TV show I watched midlife was described as being between the ages of 38 and 60!! One of the guests, currently aged 42, was astonished by this, as am I! What comes after midlife then if 60 is where it ends? Old age?
What you are now a senior citizen at 60, looking back on life rather than forward?
That surely can’t be right! 

Researching Midlife:
I like to do a bit of research now and again, it gives me a chance to read something a little more educational rather than the books I avidly devour every night before bed. 
I came across an article entitled “The Existential Necessity of Midlife Change” written by Carlo Strenger and Arie Ruttenberg in the Harvard Business Review (Feb 2008). This is the link should you wish to read it in it’s entirety:
http://www.dainepsychservices.com/HBR-MidLifechange.pdf
In the article the authors were looking at the application of midlife specifically to the working environment.

Apparently two opposing myths underlie many people’s fears about midlife, inhibiting successful midlife change.

The first is the Myth of Midlife as the onset of Decline:
This is rooted in historically outdated conceptions where people end their productive lives and retire at age 65.
Sixty five is not a magical number, it was introduced as the retirement age in Germany in 1916.
Twenty seven years earlier Chancellor Otto Von Bismarck had established that 70 was the age to begin receiving a pension. When asked how the state could afford such largesse Bismarck replied that almost nobody would reach this age anyway. He was right! According to one source life expectancy in Germany at the time (1889) was 49 years old!
Fortunately life expectancy today, in Western society, is around 80+ and continues to rise.

Personally retiring at 65 had never held much of an attraction to me.
When I was 45 and still in my single Mum faze my intention was to retire at 55, sell my house, buy a flat (as a home base) and a camper van and set off around the UK before trying out Europe.
My peers and even some of my friends were bewildered by my idea but, being fully aware that life is not forever, I couldn’t see the point in devoting another 10 years to making money for someone else to benefit from. More to the point I didn’t want to lose out on my best years to do as I pleased.
I did retire at 55, partly thanks to my hubby who I met at the age of 52, opting to continue to work for another 5 years which meant I didn’t have to touch my private pension for living costs. Unfortunately the camper van idea evaporated and was replaced by creating travelling adventures instead.

The second myth, mentioned in my research, is the notion of midlife as a magical transformation. The myth tries to sell the illusion that if people have enough vision and will power they can be anything or anybody they want to be. 
Myth or not, this is something I can buy into. I certainly feel midlife is a time to live life without any constraints. 
I am in fact shocked by the amount of women, around my age or slightly older, that I come across locally where I live who still conform to the idea of specific role models within their marriage. A life where women have the “pink jobs” such as cleaning, cooking, shopping and generally “keeping house” and men have the “blue jobs” like DIY, driving and maintaining the car, taking out the rubbish etc. Have we learnt nothing as women in the last sixty years?
Needless to say that doesn’t happen in this household. We share the cleaning and since retiring hubby has opted to take on all the food shopping and cooking. Having cooked for the best part of 50 years its wonderful. I’m finally free of the kitchen sink!

The idea that “midlife marks the onset of decline and the acceptance of growing limitations being the only mature way to deal with ageing” is still generally accepted, according to Strenger and Ruttenberg’s article, as good common sense. Common sense, however, may be overrated and outdated!

I remember reading an article a couple of years back where Dame Emma Thompson was talking about her film role in the 2022 drama “Good Luck to You Leo Grande“.
Emma plays a repressed widow who hires a young escort in a bid for “sexual awakening’.  “It was very challenging” she said “to be nude in her 60’s. Especially in a world where nothing has changed in the dreadful demands made of women to look a certain way”.

Why do we have to conform to this ideology? Why, if we are women in our midlife do we have to act in a particular way or dress in a certain manner? 
I remember my stepmum changing the way she dressed, around the age of 50, which I guess back in the 1990’s was still considered to be the last phase of life. It was as if society expected her now to adopt the twinset and pearls style and accept that she was now entering the second half of her life and certain expectations needed to be fulfilled.
This is definitely no longer the case. I see midlife women all around me dressing however they wish and all power to them. 

“Fortunately the life force does not just extinguish itself at age 65″ says Strenger and Ruttenberg when concluding their narrative. They continue with “Indeed there is no period better suited to inner growth and development than midlife when many people learn to listen to their inner selves -the necessary first step on the journey of self realisation.”

Midlife is exciting, it should bring freedom. Freedom not to have to consider the children, assuming they are grown up and off hand. 
Freedom to realise some of those dreams that we still hold dear. To try a new hobby, to travel, to volunteer and help others, to learn a new skill, the sky should be the limit.

I don’t want to have to worry about declining into old age and I can do whatever I want if I put my mind to it . There may be obstacles to overcome and many issues will no doubt arise. But hey I’ve worked all those years, often ridiculous hours in the name of company commitment and career advancement and surely now deserve to shake off the shackles and live a little.

My dearest ambition is to throw away the clock. Imagine waking up when it’s light, eating only when you are hungry, doing whatever you want when you want and then sleeping when you are tired -that would be freedom to me!

What is or would be your ambition in midlife? Are you a midlifer enjoying life?
I’m keen to hear how life is treating you? I look forward to reading your comments.
If a comment is too much then please just hit the “like button” and give this midlifer some encouragement to keep exploring her new hobby of writing!