Menopause: Symptoms, Solutions, and Support

As a woman you can’t really talk about midlife without touching on the big “M’!
When does it start? When does it finish? Is this normal? Questions, questions, questions!
Until recently there weren’t really any readily available answers. It was like a taboo subject. Something that women just got on with and no one talked about. 

Thank goodness for Davinia McCall is all I can say.
She brought it to the forefront, made people sit up and take notice. Brought some feeling of normality to this period of life that all women have to pass through.
I loved her first programme “Sex,Myths and the Menopause” and also the subsequent follow up programme “Sex, Mind and the Menopause” -available on All4, Channel 4’s streaming service. If you are looking at this from overseas check out Apple TV, Youtube etc and you may find it.
My husband and I sat and watched both programmes together. 
I’m beginning to realise that I’m very fortunate as my husband is a “modern man”. There are no pink and blue jobs in this house, well not unless you include his love for taking out the bins! We are an equal partnership and he never shies away from any topic. He was happy to sit there and watch with me and together we learnt a great deal. 

At What Age Does It Begin?
It starts with Perimenopause – This is the transition period leading up to menopause, when hormone levels begin to change. It can start as early as your late 20s up to your late 40s.
Menopause itself typically begins between the ages of 45 and 55, with the average being 51. The exact age can vary, and menopause is defined as having no periods for 12 consecutive months. Every woman’s menopause is different, so my journey isn’t going to be the same as yours.

Firstly I have no idea when my menopause started. I had a mirena coil fitted when I was 43 which on its 5th anniversary was then replaced with a second one. Then when I was 53, a year after I’d met my hubby, it was taken out and I was unceremoniously told by my doctor “I was too old to have another one!”
So I left the surgery thinking “what happens next?” “Will I have a period?’ “Will I need to use some other contraception?’
I soon discovered that the answer to the latter two questions was no and in terms of what happens next, again it can be different for each person.

In my case each symptom seemed to occur separately.
First there were the hot sweats during the day, not great when, as I was a funeral celebrant at the time, I was dealing with grieving families.
They passed quite quickly, thank goodness and I thought I was out of the woods. 
Then the night sweats started and a good night’s sleep became a distant memory and I found myself, sometimes, collapsed in bed mid afternoon totally exhausted as if someone had literally pulled my energy plug!

This led to brain fog during the day. Again not great when you are standing at the front of a funeral congregation and can’t remember the Lord’s Prayer!
As a funeral celebrant, services are suppose to be non religious, but families often chose to include the Lord’s Prayer at the end, just in case!
It’s a bit like edging your bets:- “I don’t really believe in God but what happens if he does exist and I’ve not included any religious element? Where does my Mum, Dad, Sister, friend go then?”
On this particular occasion we had reached the end of the service, just before we commit the coffin for cremation, and I invited the congregation to join in saying aloud The Lord’s Prayer. It was, at this moment, that my mind just went completely blank.
In my head I’m thinking “for goodness sake you’ve been reciting this since High School what’s wrong with you?’. In the end I had to pretend I had something caught in my throat and coughed unceremoniously before asking the congregation to continue without me, whilst I sipped on my ever present glass of water!

I was still having the night sweats nearly seven years later despite having invested in a duvet that was half warm, about 10 togs for hubby and half cool about 5 togs for me!
Yes even through the Beast from the East back in 2018 and subsequent cold winter spells I was quite happy with my 5 togs! It’s a good way to remain in the same bed and room as your partner too!

I finally reached a point where I was getting the odd night where I would wake up in the morning astonished I’d not been woken up during the night and tossed the duvet off !

I’ve been fortunate and so has hubby, as I gently remind him sometimes, in that I didn’t have to deal with mood swings. 
However recurring UTI infections were my personal cross to bear. I’d had this problem in my twenties when sexual relations were far more active and adventurous. Little did I know the menopause would bring back that age old problem.

Having watched Davina’s first programme I ventured off to see a female doctor at my surgery, discussed the big “M” and came away with HRT patches. No matter what I tried they just didn’t stay in place and I had a couple of headache spells which included flashing lights in front of my eyes so gave up the ghost.
Six months or so later, I went to see another female GP regarding my recurring UTI’s and she suggested I tried a different type of HRT which is inserted vaginally. The HRT definitely improved my menopause symptoms but I did eventually have to be referred to a Urologist for the UTI’s.
I’d had so many infections and subsequent antibiotics that my whole body had become inflamed which resulted in a new medication for three months to bring down the internal inflammation! I still have to be ultra careful with my female hygiene and always have antibiotics with me if we are travelling abroad.

HRT is obviously a personal choice but I’m quite happy with it and if nothing else I don’t think women should suffer in silence, please go to talk to a female GP and at least get advice. 
I was fortunate on the whole that when the tiredness and sleepless nights set in I was working for myself and had a little more freedom. I could at least take a mid afternoon nap if I needed it, but goodness knows how I would have coped if I’d still been working in my career.

Hopefully workplace education is now helping in this area to support women through this “change of life” and all credit to all the midlife women in the media eye who have influenced this.

Why not comment about your experiences of the menopause or how it feels to be living with someone going through this? Sharing advice can hopefully help others too