Retirement Stress: What Living in Antigua Taught Us About Simplifying Life

It’s a few weeks now since we returned from Antigua.

That has given me time not only to settle back into normal life but also to reflect upon our month of experimenting with a different way of living.
The predominant lesson I learnt was that, in the Western world, we live incredibly stressful lives — and a lot of that stress is actually self-induced.

As I said in my last post about Antigua, a slower and happier life isn’t entirely dependent on where you live. It’s about choosing what matters, letting go of what doesn’t and making time for the people, places and moments that bring genuine contentment.

Since our return, life has been busy. Some of that busyness has been pleasurable, involving time well spent with friends and family. But other parts have highlighted just how quickly we return to our old ways.

Life in Antigua in one simple photo!

Driving:

Driving in Antigua wasn’t easy. The roads were full of potholes, with what sometimes seemed like very little tarmac in between them! Despite that, driving was mainly pleasurable.

Back here in England, it is stressful.

Our first journey was 178 miles north from Gloucestershire to Lancashire to celebrate my friend’s 40th birthday.
We set off at midday on a Friday. We had accounted for traffic and, when we entered our destination into the sat nav, it estimated that the journey would take just under three hours.

At roughly 60 miles an hour on predominantly motorway roads — the M5 and M6, with a UK speed limit of 70 mph — that seemed reasonable.

The journey actually took six hours.
There were no accidents. No major incidents. Just the sheer weight of traffic. That meant we averaged around 32 mph.

It’s just crazy.

Returning home on the Sunday, we left at 11.30 am. The journey took just over four hours. Again, there were no accidents, and we averaged approximately 44 mph.

Our second journey was to London for a family reunion and barbecue.
We left on Saturday morning at 9 am, with Google Maps telling us we should arrive at our hotel, 140 miles away, by 11.30 am.

The M25 congestion

Within 30 minutes, we were being directed away from our route because of a road closure which Google hadn’t picked up on. A road closure on a busy A road on what was predicted to be the busiest weekend of the year — the children had broken up from school the day before.

Why?
Why would you plan roadworks at that time? I could already feel the stress building.

And then, the next minute, we broke down. The car lost all power and we had to call the AA for roadside assistance.

The car was towed to our local garage. My husband went with it, while I was dropped off en route so that I could get home and pick up our second car. I then made my way to the garage, picked up my husband and we set off again.

By this point, it was 12.30 pm.

The barbecue was scheduled to start at 1 pm, so I had already telephoned ahead to let everyone know we would be late. Reprogramming the sat nav, our estimated arrival time at the hotel was now 3 pm.

Allowing ourselves 20 minutes to change and then another 30-minute journey to the barbecue — just 7.5 miles through London, which meant travelling at an average speed of around 15 mph — we expected to arrive shortly before 4 pm.

An accident on the infamous M25, which circles London, meant that the sat nav sent us on another detour. We eventually arrived at the hotel at 3.25 pm and finally reached the barbecue at 4.15 pm.

We managed to get home on Sunday in just over three hours, averaging roughly 45 mph.
We were delayed once again on the M25. This time, there had been an accident on the opposite carriageway and, as people slowed down to rubberneck, our carriageway also ground to a halt for a couple of miles.

I am so done with driving in this country!

Can you make driving less stressful?

We discussed this on our way home because the whole experience was just so exhausting.
Driving constantly surrounded by traffic, having to remain alert for potential problems and never knowing what delay might be waiting around the next corner is stressful.

We reflected upon Antigua and its simplicity. Then it dawned on us.
We were still planning journeys around motorways and deadlines that we had set for ourselves.
What are we doing? We are retired. We can leave when we want. We can arrive when we want. We can take whichever route we want.

Back in 2023, we spent three months road-tripping around America, visiting 18 states while avoiding interstates and freeways wherever possible. So why are we using the motorways here in the UK?

We could arrive early and explore the area. We could stop for a nice lunch. We could take a picnic and find somewhere pleasant to stop along the way.
We don’t have to get there as quickly as possible.

Our type of healthy picnic

We are doing exactly what we realised in Antigua: bringing unnecessary stress into our lives.

The Mundane:

In Antigua, we woke up every morning to that beautiful view, with the sun shining and, most of the time, nowhere we had to be. The day was ours to do with as we wished.

The view that greeted us every morning in Antigua

We weren’t there on holiday. We were living a normal life there for a month. So why is it that, when you return home, life suddenly seems to take over?

In Antigua, I washed the dishes in a sink and did our laundry in a bucket. Here, I have a dishwasher, a washing machine, a tumble dryer and a clothes line in the garden.
Life should be easier.

But in Antigua, we cleaned our duplex apartment between us in about an hour. Suddenly, here at home, we are faced with a three-bedroom house, one-and-a-half bathrooms, two reception rooms, a kitchen and a utility room to clean.
It feels like it takes forever. And, to be honest, it’s boring, mundane and I hate it!

The simple solution is to get a cleaner. We probably only need someone once a fortnight for a couple of hours. Several people I know have cleaners, so why are we putting ourselves through this during our retirement?

Hobbies:

We both have hobbies.

My husband’s are mainly confined to the weekend, when he goes out early in the morning for a couple of hours scouring local boot fairs for bargains.
There is also the occasional day during the week when he meets up with his photography friends. Once the summer holiday period is over, this will also extend to Thursday evenings.

His weekdays are largely his own. He loves to bake bread and cakes and if he has chores or DIY to do, he tends to do them in the mornings, freeing up his afternoons to do what he wants.

Pictures of my husband’s baking -those are rhubarb and custard muffins 😋

My hobbies and commitments are much more routine.

Monday morning: Aqua Aerobics

Wednesday morning: Slimming World, normally followed by a council meeting

Thursday morning: Aqua Aerobics

Friday morning: Pilates, followed by Aqua Aerobics early in the evening

In addition to this, I try to fit in future travel research and planning, home administration, gardening — both flowers and vegetables during the summer months — keeping up with social media, clearing emails, and both reading and writing for my blog.

I’m growing yellow cucumbers this year, pictured alongside my home made jam, my favourite coffee table books and my son’s present of a printed version of Year 1 of my blog

My position as a Parish Councillor also includes Wednesday evening meetings and other ad hoc meetings with members of the community during the week.

None of this is necessarily relaxing.

Before long, I start to feel as though I have no time to do what I want, when I want, again.
And then the guilt begins.
If I dare to take time for myself to read a book or magazine, or watch television, I feel guilty because I am not tackling one of the many other things on my list.

Why do I feel guilty about relaxing?

Reflecting Upon Antigua:

People in Antigua seemed to have lower expectations, both in terms of the lives they lived and what they expected from life. They appeared to be happier with what they had.

Our home in Antigua

There also seemed to be far less intrusion and obligation.
Comparing our life there with our life here has already highlighted my overcommitment and the imbalance in my daily routine.
My mornings are basically swallowed up with keeping fit and healthy.
My afternoons are then taken up with all the other tasks I have listed above.

But being retired should mean doing what I want, when I want. That’s what I worked all my life for!

I don’t want to spend my retirement rushing from one commitment to another, worrying about whether I am keeping up with everything I think I should be doing. I don’t want to recreate the busy, stressful life I had when I was working.

Perhaps retirement isn’t just about having more free time.
Perhaps it is about learning how to use that time differently.
I currently don’t have a magic solution. Other than running away back to Antigua, of course.

But I do know that something needs to change.

We returned from Antigua with the realisation that a simpler life isn’t necessarily about living somewhere beautiful, driving on quieter roads or waking up to a stunning view.
It’s also about the choices we make.

Perhaps we need to stop asking ourselves, “How much can we fit into our lives?”
And start asking: “How much do we actually want in them?”

I think that’s something I need to work out.

Final Thoughts:

Our month in Antigua has made us look at our life back home in a slightly different way.
We have realised that we often create unnecessary stress for ourselves by trying to do too much, rushing when we don’t need to rush and feeling guilty when we take time to simply relax.

Perhaps the answer isn’t to move permanently to Antigua — although I’m not ruling it out!
Perhaps it’s about taking some of the lessons we learnt there and applying them to our life here.

Taking the slower route. Saying no occasionally. Getting help with the jobs we dislike. Leaving more time to simply do nothing. We are retired. We have worked hard for the freedom to choose how we spend our time.
So perhaps it’s time we started making better use of that freedom.

Have you ever returned from a holiday, trip or extended stay somewhere else and realised that your own life had become more complicated or stressful than it needed to be?
Or have you made any changes to your lifestyle after realising that you were trying to fit too much into your life?

I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below.